Why is my ex dating my exact opposite?

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Breakup is never ever easy, and while you are trying to move on, you hear or see that your ex is in another relationship. That is painful but okay, right? But that is until you find out that their new flame is the exact opposite of you. There is nothing in common between you and your ex new girl or guy.

At first, you are shocked. It is a common feeling anyone who hears or sees that will experience. You begin to question your entire relationship. Because basically, you thought that they clearly have a type, and you are that type. So, what changed?

You begin to ask questions like, “Was it me?” “Is there something wrong with my personality?” “Is that why they broke up with me?” “Is this the type of person they wanted all along?” “Are they intentionally seeking out someone who is my opposite?”

These thoughts are constantly perplexing, and it can be a jarring experience. All you begin to think about is why it happens. Why would they do that? Why would they find someone else who has nothing in common with me?

In this article, you will understand why your ex is dating your opposite, the emotional impact, how to move on, and more.

My Ex Dating the Complete Opposite of Me: Why It Happens

There are so many reasons – psychological and emotional – as to why your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend decided to date your opposite.


Your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend may not just have one type. This means you are not the only type of girl or guy they would like to hang out with or date. They are attracted to various types, so they go with whoever fits one of those types.

You might wonder, “During the whole relationship, he kept telling me he loves me and that I am his type, was he lying?” The truth is, at that time, they meant it because, during the time of the relationship, you were their type. However, now that they can get into a new relationship, they want to explore any of the types in their attraction list.


If you and your ex were together for 2 years or more and the relationship fails, your ex would want to date again and even if he still loves you or you are still in love with him, he definitely doesn’t want a carbon copy or a 2.0 of you. 

If your ex was the one who initiated the breakup, dating your opposite might imply they may have lost feelings for you and don’t want someone of your personality in their life anymore. They don’t want someone who would do even the little things you do to trigger their memory of you.

In this scenario, the best thing is for them to go with someone different.


Your ex might just want to experience something new. You need to know that when they start dating again, one of the things they are looking for or need is something they feel was lacking in the last relationship.

Ultimately, the reason they chose someone different from you depends on so many factors, such as attraction, how they met, their personality, and more. As a result, what you need to have at the forefront and back of your mind is that the person your partner wanted is a current reflection of who they are – not who you were then.

Understanding Mixed Signals from Your Ex: Decode Their Behavior and Find Clarity with Expert Insights

Emotional Impact of Seeing Your Ex with Your Opposite

The emotions you feel when you realize he’s with someone else who is your polar opposite can be extremely overwhelming. If not managed, it leads to you spiraling downhill.

Some of the common initial emotions or reactions include

Confusion and disbelief

These are often the first things you will feel when you notice your ex has found a new girl who has nothing in common with you and that the relationship is new.

 You start asking questions like, “Why them?” “What do they have that I didn’t?” “The girl is completely different from me” or “If that is what they wanted, they should have told me, I would have changed and tried to work on it.”

These are logical questions that every other couple in your situation would ask. But it’s always more hurtful when you don’t even get a clear answer to these questions.


This feeling is particularly common. Seeing your ex with a new girlfriend, especially someone who makes them more happy than they were with you or makes them experience new things, can evoke feelings of jealousy. This emotion can be particularly intense if the separation is still fresh or if you’re struggling to move on.

You see them as a threat, given the fact that you still want to get back together with your ex.


This is highly common. As soon as you hear your ex started dating someone new so quickly, you begin to look for similarities or flaws in that person. If it is someone that looks just like you, it’s alright, but someone different or opposite? It becomes a whole different ball game.

After the confused or disbelieving feeling, you begin to feel less adequate. You begin to think you are boring, no longer attractive, and many more. You begin to question your adequacy and worth. This leads to you losing your self-esteem, as you will always wonder if and how you were lacking.

Dealing with Comparison

Comparing yourself with your old ex current boyfriend or girlfriend is natural, but dwelling too much on these comparisons can do more harm than good to you. 

Because comparison is a slow life or passion killer. When you constantly (unhealthily) compare yourself with someone else, especially your ex-new love interest in this case, you are putting yourself down, feeding the insecurity and self-doubt monster, and hurting your physical, mental, and emotional well-being,

This is why it has to be dealt with now if you are already in the comparison stage.

Here are some strategies you can use

  • Focus on yourself. Pretend they don’t exist and focus on you. Spend time doing the things you love. This is a great way and time to rediscover what makes you happy. Note this: Nobody can love you better than you can.
  • When you start the comparison, shake it off. Do this by reminding yourself why you are unique and why so many friends love you. Remind yourself of your strengths, qualities, and accomplishments. Fill your mind with positive thoughts until your cup runs over.
  • Limit the exposure you have to the news of your ex. It could be through social media or mutual friends. Limit the amount of things you see or hear about them.
  • Surround yourself with friends and family who can offer emotional and mental support and encouragement. You could go to a therapeutic relationship coach for help.

Remember, this can take a while, and you will surely falter, but picking yourself up is essential. Be patient with yourself. You are hurt, so give yourself to heal, and you can do that without all the comparisons.

Deciphering Your Ex’s Intentions: Recognize the Signs They’re Only Interested in Physical Relations

Reflection and Growth

You might not see it this way, but two of the most valuable aspects of witnessing your ex with a new guy or girl who is your complete opposite is the opportunity for reflection and growth.

During this time, take a look back on the past relationship and think about what you have learned about yourself and your needs. Yes, you can and should be sad about the separation but you need to reflect on how the relationship was, especially now that they are dating someone else.

There’s a saying, “Everyone comes into your life for a purpose.” It doesn’t matter how long they spent with you; they certainly dropped something in you, and you gave out something.

Now, this is what you need to reflect on. Reflect on how your relationship was with your ex before the end of the relationship. Think about how you have grown (personally) since the separation. Think about areas in which you have made progress, and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small.

If you find out you have not experienced personal growth since the breakup, then something is holding you back. It would be best to reflect, figure out what that is, deal with it, and start again. It is never too late for personal growth.

Also, apply the lessons you’ve learned from your past relationship to future ones. Know that you are deserving of love and happiness.

Understanding Your Ex’s Hot and Cold Behavior: Navigate the Emotional Rollercoaster with Insightful Analysis

Moving Forward from Your Ex Dating Someone Totally Opposite

Whether your ex is with someone who looks exactly like you or is completely opposite, the question is, “What’s it to you?” You both are broken up. The relationship is ended. As hard or challenging as it will be, you have to move on. It is a stage of life.

 If you are still in contact with your ex and wish to get your ex back, then you have to move forward to get them back. Staying in a position, wallowing in hurt, self-doubt, and comparisons won’t bring back their feelings for you.

If you want them to see you in a new light, focus on yourself. Change your game plan to one of self-care, love, and personal development. It is highly essential.

You can start by setting boundaries for yourself. Care for yourself by unfollowing, blocking, or muting your ex on social media to avoid seeing him flaunt his relationship. You can do the same with your mutual friends (just unfollow them with their permission) so you don’t accidentally see a post related to how the relationship is moving.

Next, use your free time to spend with your friends and family or do the things you love. Be intentional about it. You can take up a few fulfilling hobbies. Invest in personal development—set goals for yourself – career, education, health, beauty, or personal specific. Take up new challenges and opportunities for growth, and embrace the journey of self-discovery.

In doing this, you become like a phoenix rising from the ashes. You are emerging stronger and more resilient—a better version of yourself.

Opening Up to New Relationships

It is very natural to want to close yourself up from the thought of entering into a new relationship to avoid being hurt again. But you know that is not really possible. Deep down, you want to love and be loved by someone, but the thought of the past weighs you down. Even if you decide to enter another relationship, you begin to wonder how to open up to it.

Here are some tips on how to remain open and positive

1. Don’t rush. Take your time to heal fully – mentally and emotionally. Also, don’t rush to say I love you. It can be a binding statement.

2. Have a positive mindset. A positive result in positive behavior. This increases the chances you have of having a personal outcome.

3. Reflect. Reflect. Reflect. Reflect on what you want and don’t want in the new partner and relationship. Set boundaries.

4. Take things slow – at your own pace. See how things go. Allow the relationship to develop naturally over time. Don’t be in a hurry. Since you want to open up to the concurrent relationship, focus on building a solid foundation of respect, trust, and mutual understanding before committing to anything more serious

5. Communicate clearly. Be open and honest about your needs, feelings, thoughts, and boundaries from the get-go. Let your partner do the same.

6. Be your true self. Listen to your heart and trust your gut.

Following these tips will help you open up beautifully to a chance at getting a fulfilling and happy relationship. Remember, remaining open and optimistic is essential for healing and growth.

Dating Someone Opposite of You: Understanding Your Ex’s Perspective

Before you jump to a conclusion, even if you are hurt, you need to understand or look at it from their perspective. There might be a reason(s) your ex decided to date a new girl or someone completely different from you.

It might not be a personal dig at you or a reflection of the quality of your past relationship. They just need change. Here are some valid reasons your ex decided to go for the total opposite of you.

He’s Still in Love With You

This just might be one of the signs your ex is still in love with you. When your ex started dating right after the breakup, and it is someone different, that could mean they still love you. Being with someone who is different from you is the way they can get you out of their system. What this means is that your ex is in a rebound relationship or miss you.

Exploring New Experiences.

Your ex may want to experience a new life with someone else. Note: It’s not because they didn’t get to experience new and exciting things with you; they just want to explore more. It might be a new thing (after all, we are humans and need and want various new heard and unheard-of things every day) or an old thing.

Also, it could be that because they are used to the same pattern or familiarity of their past connection, they needed a change with someone new.

Personal Growth

You might not believe it, but just as you are looking or working towards personal growth, so is your ex. Perhaps at that moment, their current partner reflects or is in line with their current aspirations and goals.

You might say that it’s a rebound relationship. Well, maybe, maybe not. You will never know. But what you should know is that people change and evolve over time, and so has your ex bf.

Seeking Compatibility

Not that anything is wrong with you, but there are some areas in which your ex’s new partner complements them in ways you could not. Maybe their current partner is a better fit for them at this point in their lives.

Is Your Ex Putting You to the Test? Discover the Telltale Signs with Expert Guidance

Your Ex is With Your Complete Opposite: Coping Strategies

In situations like these, you really don’t know what to do because constantly seeing your ex’s new relationship puts you in an unpleasant state. You begin asking and looking for ways to cope with it, especially if everywhere you look, they are there. 

There are so many ways you can cope with it, but here are three effective coping strategies.

 Take a Social Media Break

It can be tough to get over your ex with his new partner if you are constantly monitoring updates about them on social media sites. As a result, stop. Take a break from social media. This can help you avoid seeing any updates concerning them and focus on your own life instead.

If taking a social media break is hard, you can unfollow or unfriend both your ex and his/her new partner so as not to see their posts.

Benefits of taking a break from social media

Below are some of the benefits of taking a break from social media:

Increased Focus on Self-Care

Instead of spending hours scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat, why not do something beneficial to your mind, body, and soul? Whether it is practicing mindfulness, doing things that interest you, or spending quality time with loved ones prioritize self-care for healing.

Reduced Anxiety

Moving away from their social media platforms can help you create a mental space free from comparison and doubts. You won’t see anything that would trigger anxiety or stress.

Break from Unhealthy Patterns

Stalking your previous partner’s social media feeds is an act of self-destruction that delays the process of recovery. As a result, staying away from social media will help you break the unhealthy pattern of going through their feeds or stories. 

Seek Support

No man is an island. You can’t do it on your own. Lean on friends, family, or professionals for support during this time. Talking about how you feel about a person you trust can assist in dealing with emotions and gaining another perspective. Many went to therapy just to get the support they needed to cope and move forward.

Importance of Leaning on Support Systems:

Here are some of the importance of seeking support from various systems

Validation and Understanding: 

Speaking with someone who knows what you are going through may give you reassurance that what you feel is normal. Just having a trusted friend with a ready ear for listening or a therapist giving professional advice could make all the difference in the world.

Perspective and Insight:

Friends’ and relative’s perspectives are good for a change of view. The reason behind this is that, in their dispassionate ways, they open your eyes to the truth, making it easier for you to proceed more confidently than you did 6 months ago.

Emotional Catharsis

Expressing your emotions in words is said by experts to be very healing, that is when done among family members and friends. It feels good to have someone with whom you can talk or cry or just be silent; someone who cares. Having such a person helps get rid of emotional pain.

Involve In New Activities

Exploring new aspects of life will help in knowing what other people think about it. Joining a club or taking a class can give your life more meaning and satisfaction.


Knowing your ex is now with someone who is the polar opposite of you can be unsettling, but you shouldn’t let it bother you. You need to focus on your path forward. Embrace every single opportunity that comes your way for personal growth. The relationship is ended. Let it go. The past is in the past.

Make room for a healthier, happier future. You deserve new love. Even if your ex wants you back, let them see a better version of you they left behind. Even if he is telling you he’s sorry and wants you back, he has to prove it because you are changed. You are now a healthy and happy you.

Check out:

  1. Navigate through the signs indicating your ex is in a rebound relationship.”
  2. “Discover the telltale signs that your ex may never come back.”
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About Alex

Alex Bert is an esteemed relationship coach with a specialization in marital counseling. With over 14 years of experience, Alex and his team have developed multi-lingual online programs that have positively impacted over 180,000 individuals globally. His approach, known for its effectiveness and often counterintuitive advice, is grounded in extensive real-world experience rather than theory. 

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