How Long Does It Take For An Ex To Come Back?

how long does it take for an ex to come back

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Buckle up, everyone, because this is going to answer one of your biggest or frequently asked questions, “How long does it take an ex to come back.” When couples break up, and one of them is trying to get the other back, they wonder; “When will they come back? How long is it going to take?”

Some people believe couples get back together within 1-6 months after the breakup. While it is true in most cases, the truth is there is no specific timeline for when an ex might come back. This is because the situation surrounding the breakup varies from person to person.

On that note, the answer to this depends on you, your ex, and the type of relationship or love story you had. It also depends on other factors, such as emotional attachments, external circumstances, personal growth complexities, and your ex’s openness to reconciliation.

So, you have started preparing to get your ex back, but first, you need an answer to this question. You are in luck. This article explicitly answers, ” How long will it take to get an ex back?” You will also look at the factors that could affect them, strategies for reconciliation and re-establishing contact, and more.

The Role of Attachment Styles in Waiting for Your Ex to Come Back

There are three main attachment styles: Secure, Avoidant, and Anxious. These attachment styles play a role in your ex coming back as it helps you understand how to approach them, the strategies to use to get their attention and pull them back in, and the type of conversations you should have with them.

First, let’s understand what attachment styles are.

Attachment styles are based on the Attachment Theory developed by John Bowlby. He states that the attachments we form in adulthood result from the bonds we formed or the experiences shared with our parents or caregivers in the early stages of our lives. Essentially, these attachment styles shape our attachment patterns into adult relationships. It influences the response to our feelings, thoughts, and actions, including how we behave in and after a relationship and the prospect of rekindling.

Wondering About Reconciliation?

Understanding the timeline for an ex to possibly return can be complex and filled with uncertainty. If you’re seeking guidance on navigating this period and making the most of your time apart, we’re here to help.

Explore Reconciliation Tips Find Out More on Timing

Secure Attachment

People with secure attachment styles have high levels of self-worth, belief, and trust in their partners. They strike a good, if not great, balance between independence and intimacy, making it easy for them to go through the post-breakup phase with self-confidence and resilience.

Yes, they feel sad and hurt after the breakup, but they are less likely to be so desperate to win back their ex. Instead, they do it in another way: Increasing their attractiveness to their ex-partner through self-care and personal growth.

Avoidant Attachment

People with avoidant attachment styles tend to lay too much emphasis on self-reliance. They are extremely self-directed and, more often than not, struggle or are uncomfortable with intimacy. They have a phobia for commitments and are always of the notion that they can handle anything (including breakups) when, in fact, they struggle but choose to avoid it.

When going through a breakup, avoidant individuals emotionally detach themselves as a form of defense mechanism. Getting back with an ex who is an avoidant may take longer as they maintain emotional distance.

Anxious Attachment Styles

People with anxious attachment styles crave close proximity and validation. they are oversensitive and fear being rejected and abandoned. 

They are more easy to get back together with due to their high emotions. They become really desperate to reignite and reconcile the relationship by doing things that may be seen as clinginess and emotional instability. Some of these behaviors include reaching out first through frequent calling and texting. 

If you have an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who is anxiously attached and wants them back, it is important to address underlying insecurities beforehand to avoid more issues in the new relationship. 

How Long Does It Take to Get Your Ex Back?

The average time for exes to come back together is 5.2 months. Yes, it is possible for exes to come back together a few weeks after the breakup or within this timeframe. While many are hopeful and expect that it will happen sooner rather than later, let’s face it: when it comes to knowing how long it will take your ex coming back to you, the timeframe varies due to some factors. 

Each relationship is unique, and the reason for the breakup is not the same. As a result, the duration of reconciliation depends on a myriad of interconnected factors. Two of these factors include

Dumper’s openness to reconciliation

If the dumper is willing and ready to reconcile, then, before you know it, you both are back together. One thing you should know if you are wondering, “When can I get my ex back?” is that the ball is in the court of the person you want to come back. If the person is still reluctant or not ready, then the time taken for you to get your ex back will be long.

So, the bottom line is, that the dumper has to be open to reconciliation to shorten the timeframe of the coming back. 

Quality of the relationship prior to the breakup

As stated earlier, how the relationship was before its end matters in how long it will take them to come back. If there was a really strong connection, a level of trust, intense love and passion, and effective communication, there is a high chance getting back together won’t take too long

On the other hand, if there were already underlying issues such as constant quarreling, low communication, and more, then reconciliation may take a while as the ex will be contemplating on whether to go back, even if they still have feelings for you.

Situational Factors That Affect Chances Of Getting Your Ex Back

There are so many situational factors that can affect the timeframe for when they’ll come back. Some of these include

Long Distance Relationship

A long-distance relationship is hard enough in a normal relationship. Imagine how hard it will be for exes who are looking to reconcile. The distance itself can significantly impact the timeframe and chances of getting your ex to want to get back together.

For instance, if the relationship ended as a result of distance, then it may take longer for your ex to consider reconciliation. Moreover, uncertainties about future plans and the possibility of getting back together geographically can lengthen the time frame for reconciliation.

New Love Interest

If your ex is interested in someone else, it can prolong the timeframe of when you’ll get your ex back. One thing you need to watch out for is how soon they entered into the relationship. Was it shortly after the relationship ended? If yes, then it is a rebound relationship. This means you may have a hard time getting them back as soon as you hoped because they are already emotionally invested in their new love interest. 

On the bright side, if the new relationship doesn’t meet the needs and expectations of your ex, then that might be your chance to win back your ex. However, do not try to sabotage your ex’s new relationship because doing this might only drive them farther away.

History of Cheating

Cheating is one of the biggest destroyers of any relationship. It severely damages trust, which is the foundation of any relationship. It is one thing to cheat once, and it is another to have a history of cheating. However, it doesn’t matter if you cheat once, twice, or multiple times; the damage is already done. Your partner has been betrayed, and if the relationship ended as a result of cheating, rebuilding trust and mending the emotional trauma caused by the betrayal will take time. 

Your ex will need time to process, heal, forgive, and be willing to come back to you to work things out. Sometimes, getting the reconciliation you want may take a few weeks to months and even years. Note: Having your ex back quickly in this situation depends on the level of the cheating, the love or emotional connection your ex has with you, and your genuine remorse, transparency, and commitment to making amends.

Strategies for Reconciliation

Here are strategies you need to implement to enhance the chances of a successful reconciliation:

Focus on self-improvement

There is nothing more empowering and attractive than taking care of yourself post-breakup. Do you want your ex to get attracted to you again? Focus on self-improvement. Spend this time to love yourself by engaging in self-care activities, adopting a new hobby, doing things that make you better, and more. Do things that make you happy and make your ex see you in a different light. 

You might think you are doing all these just to get your ex to return to you. However, that is not it. Know that you are doing this for you. You will become more confident and resilient. Believe it, you and everyone around you, including your ex, will see the improvements as an added attractiveness.

Set clear boundaries

Since the old boundaries are gone with the old relationship, it is time to set a new one when planning for reconciliation. Use the no-contact period to set clear boundaries. Ensure that it is reasonable, agreeable, and achievable.

Reflect on Relationship Dynamics

Think about the dynamics of the previous relationship. Think about the things that contributed to the end of the relationship (from your end). In doing this, you will be able to identify areas for growth and improvement and work towards them. You will also gain insight into patterns that will help you navigate the reconciliation process with your ex girlfriend and boyfriend.

Nurture independence

As you are strategizing towards reconciliation, build your independence. Create a life for yourself outside of the relationship. Engage in things that will ensure you attain your goals, make you fulfilled, and bring you joy.

Strategies for Re-establishing Contact and Rebuilding Attraction

Now that you know the strategies for reconciliation, you have to know how to re-establish contact and rebuild attraction.

Begin with genuine reconnection.

Be real about wanting to reconnect. Keep your conversation light instead of rushing into discussions. They might not be too open to talking or reconnecting at first, so you might have to drive the conversation. Note: Keep it light and casual. You could talk about topics you know they will be interested in. Also, you could ask about their well-being and what they have been doing ever since the split-up happened without sounding too emotional.

Apologize and take responsibility for your actions:

Apologize from your heart and take responsibility for your actions. Let your apology be sincere and honest. One of the hardest things to do is take responsibility for our actions. However, taking responsibility for one’s actions is an attractive appeal. Doing this shows your ex you are willing and ready to change.

Focus on positive interaction

Ensure all your interactions are positive from beginning to end. Remember, you are trying to rebuild something, so you have to take out every negativity.

Demonstrate personal growth

Show how much you have grown during the time apart. Let your ex see you in a different light – positively, not negatively.

Respect their autonomy and boundaries

This is very important. Do not be pushy or manipulate their emotions to achieve your needs. Respect their boundaries and autonomy. Go according to their pace, and it will work out. Sometimes, let them take the first step.


It is crucial to realize that reconciling with an ex is a very personal process and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of how long it takes for an ex-partner to come back after a breakup. However, understanding the psychological aspects of breakups can give individuals valuable insights that serve as a roadmap for those seeking to reconcile with their ex-partners.

Besides, patience, self-enhancement, and a realistic approach are important in dealing with the intricacies of rekindling a relationship. Moving forward with personal growth, promoting emotional recovery, and taking a reasonable attitude towards reunion can lead to improved health and more successful reunions.

  1. Transform your shared living situation into a love revival. Dive into ‘How to Get Your Ex Back When You Live Together‘ for essential tips on rekindling romance under the same roof.”
  2. “Turn your workplace into a backdrop for romance renewal. ‘How to Get Your Ex Back When You Work Together‘ offers strategies to smoothly navigate the path to reconciliation while maintaining professionalism.
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About Alex

Alex Bert is an esteemed relationship coach with a specialization in marital counseling. With over 14 years of experience, Alex and his team have developed multi-lingual online programs that have positively impacted over 180,000 individuals globally. His approach, known for its effectiveness and often counterintuitive advice, is grounded in extensive real-world experience rather than theory. 

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