How to Get Your Ex Back After Cheating: A Complete Guide to Rebuilding Trust

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Relationships are absolutely amazing to be in due to the companionship, support, and love they offer. However, they are absolutely fragile. They are like balloons that can be popped by just the prick of a needle or a sharp object. While they are absolutely rewarding, they are challenging. They are occasionally marred by mistakes, mistakes that can shake the very core of a relationship. One wrong word, step, or action, and that is the end. One such mistake is cheating.

Cheating is one thing that can shake the very core of a relationship. It is emotionally and mentally hurtful and destroys every form of trust. It has been said to be one of the causes of low self-esteem, distrust, and lack of confidence. However, before going further, it is important to understand that cheating doesn’t necessarily mean engaging in physical, intimate actions with another person. There are various types of infidelity or cheating, and every one of them can hurt the partner and the relationship.

Basically, anything you do in secret or wouldn’t do in front of your partner is cheating. If you are reading this article and have cheated, you may regret it so much that you are beating yourself up about it. Also, you want to get him back and mend what’s broken, but you don’t see how that is possible. In many cases, there are no guarantees that your relationship will survive, that they will take you back, or that you will be able to mend what is broken, but you won’t know unless you try, right? 

If you desire forgiveness and want to win him back, you need to know that it will be a long process, as time will be needed to heal, get back together, and rebuild trust, but if you really desire it, you will get it. Continue reading to get a comprehensive roadmap towards how you can increase the chances of getting back with your ex post-cheating.

How to get my ex back after cheating?

Cheating is like a knife (betrayal) that is buried deep in a person; it hurts when it is stuck in and hurts when it is taken out. The wounds it inflicts are profound, leaving emotional and psychological scars that can take a long time to heal or aftermaths that can be staggering to comprehend.

Step 1: Self-Reflection and Apology

There is a saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater…” and the sad reality is that it has been proven to be true time and time again. This is why the trust level in a relationship where one person cheated is very low. Your ex is going to be of the impression that since you cheated, what is the guarantee that you won’t again? 

The truth is they can’t be faulted for such thoughts. So, to prove your ex wrong, there are two things you need to do.


Many people do not do this after they have cheated. All they do is apologize and find a way to warm their way back in. The truth is, though it may work, the relationship may not last, or there might be issues. This is because the cheater has yet to fully understand, accept, and reflect on what they’ve done.

One thing that is essential to get an ex back after you cheated is to reflect on WHAT you did and WHY you did it. If you genuinely hope to ever get back with your ex, embark on self-refection and deeply introspect.

  • Was it a moment of weakness?
  • Was I getting bored and tired of the relationship?
  • Did I want to experience something new?
  • Were there unresolved or underlying issues that led to me cheating?
  • What did I get from the other person that caused me to cheat?

Those are some questions to ask yourself, so be completely honest with your answer. Do not beat around the bush or look for excuses for yourself. Recognize that you chose to cheat, and you will have to deal with the consequences. Take accountability for your actions. By confronting these issues, you understand the “why” and have laid the groundwork for the apology to work.

Genuine Apology

Next, apologizing. Admit your faults and be intentional and real about it. Do it with all sincerity. Do not apportion blame or make excuses, as this does more harm than good. 

Do not go all, “I’m sorry, but…” or “I only did it because…” Take ownership of your mistakes. Let your apology come from your heart and reflect in your eyes, words, and actions. Let your ex know you understand the hurt you have caused and you are deeply sorry for doing that to them.

Note: Ensure you begin your apology with the “I” statement. This means you are taking responsibility for what you did rather than blaming the person you cheated with or what made you cheat.

Remember: Fake apology is easy to detect; apologize genuinely if you are looking to win back your ex.

Other Effective Tips to Get Your Ex Back After Cheating

  • Completely end the relationship with the people you were cheating with. Cut off all forms of contact with that person while trying to win the love of your ex back.
  • Let go of everything that has happened. Let go of the old story.
  • Let your present be you, visualizing and affirming what you want. Ignore everything else and work towards your goal.
  • Just as you want to be forgiven, forgive yourself also.
  • Understand why you cheated and work on personal growth to prevent a repeat
  • Continue to manifest what you want in the new relationship

Step 2: Rebuilding Trust

Here comes the challenging part. You know the saying, “Trust once broken can never be gotten back or repaired?” Sometimes, it is true; however, it is possible to mend the broken trust, but the work involved is painstaking and challenging. There are so many ways to rebuild trust with your ex after you cheated, but three sure ways are


Transparency means openness. During the time you were cheating, you had secrets. You were not being real with your ex, and right now, they feel they don’t know the real you anymore or if what you are telling them is the truth or a lie. To mend this, you have to address them by being transparent – at all times.

Have open communication: No matter how uncomfortable or awkward it might be, be open and honest with them about it all. Talk about your feelings, intentions, and actions moving forward. You have to be completely honest.

Note: Do not try to hide things that will come and bite you back later or that they will hear from someone else. It is better they hear all the good, bad, and ugly from you than anyone else.


Let your actions and your words align. Make a conscious effort to follow through with your commitment and promises. Your consistency reassures your ex that you are really sorry and willing and ready to change. However, try not to smother them with reassurances or apologies. It can get overwhelming or make you look too pushy.


Be patient. Rebuilding trust or getting back with an ex after cheating is not a walk in the park. It is a gradual process. You need to work according to their pace. Do not rush or push. Do not expect to be forgiven or be trusted immediately. Sometimes, you need to put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would react were you in that situation. Understand that this will take time, and respect their journey or pace. Remember: “Trust is earned, not forced or rushed.”

Step 3: Enhancing Emotional Attraction

The emotional attraction your ex had towards you would have diminished when you cheated, and now that you want to win your ex back, you have to enhance that emotional attraction. There are two ways to go about this

Re-attraction Techniques:

You have to do the things that attracted you to each other. Make them emotionally attracted to you again. Some tips on reigniting the emotional connection and attraction that initially brought you together include

  • Rediscover and rekindle shared passions or hobbies you used to do together before they stopped.
  • Surprise your ex with various gestures. It could be preparing their favorite meal, singing and dancing to their favorite song, leaving a heartfelt note, or getting them flowers (ladies, guys are not above getting flowers either.)
  • Spend quality time together. They might reject or be hesitant at first, but be slow and gentle with them. Baby steps.
  • Get touchy, but not too much: Physical touch is a powerful way to nurture emotional connection. You can start slow by initiating holding their hands, hugging them (not for too long as you are still building the connection), light kisses, etc.
  • Take them to dinners or plan a weekend getaway to get uninterrupted moments together. 

These bring back that emotional feeling they once had or still have for you. Do not rush into it all. Be slow… Go along with their pace, and it will work out fine.

Improving Communication

Effective communication is paramount to enhancing emotional attraction. Here are some ways to communicate effectively, understand each other better, and strengthen your bond.

  • Listen. Be an active and attentive listener to their thoughts, concerns, and feelings without interruptions.
  • Do not jump to conclusions.
  • Create a safe space for honesty and vulnerability in your conversation. Share your fears, thoughts, and insecurities that led to the cheating. Encourage them to do the same.
  • Use the “I” statements.
  • Try to understand things from their perspective without blame or accusation.
  • Put yourself in their shoes when you talk.

Note that communication is one of the pillars of any successful relationship, and because it was broken when you cheated, you have to improve it to make the relationship thrive once more.

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Step 4: Creating a New Relationship Dynamic

Creating a new relationship dynamic is one way to make your ex want to stay. We all know that no relationship ever remains the same after someone cheats. To win her back, you will have to change things and create a new one now that the dynamics of your previous relationship have changed. 

Some ways to go about that include:

Learning from Your Actions and The Hurt Caused

Do you want to get them back after you’ve cheated? First thing, learn from your mistakes. Sometimes, that is all it takes to win. Learn from your mistakes and make conscious moves to rectify them and not do them again.

Set Boundaries that are New and Realistic

Sometimes, it seems people don’t understand how important boundaries are in a relationship. It is one of the balances of any relationship, partnership, or friendship, and once that boundary or boundary is crossed, issues are bound to arise.

So, to strengthen your rekindled bond, set boundaries. Do not come up with this alone. Work with your ex. Be in agreement about what you want and don’t want. Ensure they are realistic and achievable.

Have Goals that You and Your Ex Share

Goal setting is essential in every relationship, and in one that you are rebuilding, it is important to have shared goals. This lets you both know what you want in this new relationship.

Step 5: Connection Maintenance

Just as you are working on a relationship with your ex, do not neglect maintaining the connection. The two ways to do that is to have 

Implement Having Regular Check-ins With Your Ex

You may be wondering, “What does regular check-in mean? Is it not the “Hi, I just called to check up on you?” Well, technically, that is what regular check-in means, but in this context, it is not.

Regular check-ins mean you and your significant other sitting down to have a heart-to-heart talk about the relationship, any feelings, intentions, improvements, goals, and concerns. It is almost the same as going for couple’s therapy, only this time, instead of talking with a therapist or counselor, you are having the therapy with yourselves.

Regular check-ins are scheduled which means you have to set a date, time, and location. You could have your check-ins daily, weekly, biweekly, or monthly. Choose a schedule that works for you. Ensure there are no distractions and do not be in a rush to talk and leave.

Always Work Toward Improvement

This is where self-improvement comes in. Do you want him back? Improve yourself. Embrace a mindset to continuously improve. Even if your ex doesn’t want to get back with you or needs some recovery time, it’s okay. Continuously improve. If you are back together, then improve as a couple. Do things to prioritize self-care, growth, and reassurance. You could also attend couples therapy, counseling, and workshops and read relationship books and articles.

This will surely increase your chances of getting back together, and if you are back in a way, keep the relationship strong and healthy.

Seeking Reconciliation?

Overcoming the hurdle of infidelity is tough, but not impossible. If you’re committed to making amends and rebuilding trust, we can guide you through the process of winning your ex back with sincerity and respect.

Start the Healing Process Learn How to Rebuild Trust

The Emotional and Psychological Effects on the Partner and the Relationship

The person who has been cheated on (your ex) is sure to experience a whirlwind of emotions ranging from shock, hurt, anger, sadness, self-doubt, and insecurity. Sometimes, it could cause or lead to depression. The question they constantly ask is, “Why?” “Why did they cheat?” “Am I not good enough?” They begin to question everything right from the beginning, wondering if the love you had for them was all a lie.

They feel immensely betrayed, which leads to a loss of trust. No matter the amount of trust one says they have in the other person, it can be lost in a snap. Trust is like a promise; when the promise to be with them and no one else is broken, their trust in you is also broken. 

The emotional and psychological effects of cheating last a long time. Coming to terms with it is not easy. Your ex may find it difficult to trust anyone for a long time, be scared of devoting themselves to a new relationship, or will continue dealing with self-esteem issues as they will continue wondering if they are “good enough.”

The relationship will suffer a great deal as a result of the cheating. There will no longer be joy in the relationship, just tension, which will lead to the deterioration of intimacy.

The effects of cheating are not limited to the one who was betrayed. The cheater (you) will grapple with guilt, shame, and remorse. They will struggle with self-loathing and a profound sense of regret for their actions (which you are doing now). The realization of the pain they’ve caused will weigh heavily on their conscience.

The Importance of Acknowledging the Pain Caused

Acknowledging and accepting the hurt and pain you caused is the first step toward reconciliation. Many cheaters try to downplay their actions, gaslight, or ignore or try to minimize the pain they’ve caused. However, this is a big mistake as it fuels the anger, hurt, and pain the ex is feeling, making it impossible or hard to work toward reconciliation.

By acknowledging the pain and damage you caused your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend and the relationship, you are on your way to working out something that would lead to reconciliation. You will be able to effectively and efficiently address the underlying issues that led to the betrayal and come up with a strategy that will help you win and rebuild the trust that was breached.

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Is It Possible to Win Your Ex Back After You Cheated?

Can you get your ex back and rebuild the trust they once had in you and the relationship post-affair? Short answer: absolutely. Long answer: It depends. Rebuilding, healing, and strengthening the relationship takes time, patience, honesty, and effort. By self-reflecting, apologizing genuinely, learning from your mistakes, and more, you will be able to heal, rebuild, and strengthen the relationship.

Getting an ex-girlfriend back is no walk in the park, and neither is getting an ex-boyfriend. But if you are really committed to making amends and rebuilding your relationship, you will get the desired results. Your ex will see the efforts you put into wanting to rebuild the relationship and will want you back. The road to reconciliation may be filled with obstacles, but do not lose hope. Remember: Where there is a will, there is a way.

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About Alex

Alex Bert is an esteemed relationship coach with a specialization in marital counseling. With over 14 years of experience, Alex and his team have developed multi-lingual online programs that have positively impacted over 180,000 individuals globally. His approach, known for its effectiveness and often counterintuitive advice, is grounded in extensive real-world experience rather than theory. 

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