How to Win Her Back After Hurting Your Ex: 13 Proven Steps

How to Get Her Back? If You Have Already Tried Everything

Stop wasting your time on unsuccessful attempts and methods that do not work.

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Losing the love of your life is a devastating experience that leaves you heartbroken and desperate to fix what’s broken. If you’ve hurt your ex-girlfriend and yearn to win her back, it’s crucial to understand the pain you’ve caused and take proactive steps to win her heart back. In this article, we’ll explore proven strategies to help you navigate the challenging journey of winning back your ex’s heart.

13 Steps to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back After Hurting Her Feelings

So you’ve hurt someone you love and now she’s your ex. The pain of losing her feels unbearable. You’re desperate to want your ex back, believing she’s your one true soulmate. But where do you even start? It depends on the severity of the pain and hurt you caused, but if you follow these steps, you can increase your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back and fix things between you.

Step 1: Give Her Space

Resist the urge to bombard your ex with calls, texts, gifts or in-person visits begging for another chance. She needs space and time to process her emotions about the relationship and the breakup. Crowding her will only push her away. Back off and initiate a period of no contact to work on yourself for now. Let things settle and give her her space, even if it’s still hurt.

Step 2: Reflect On What Went Wrong

While giving your ex space during no-contact, honestly reflect on your role in the conflicts and hurt that led to the split. What went wrong in your relationship? What could you have done differently? Are there destructive patterns you need to break? Use this time apart to develop more self-awareness and emotional maturity. Real change starts within.

Step 3: Write Her A Sincere Letter

After a few weeks, consider writing your ex a heartfelt letter expressing your regret, taking responsibility for your mistakes, and sharing what you’ve realized during your time apart. But this isn’t about guilting her or making false promises. Be genuine, acknowledge her pain, and assure her you respect her feelings and need for space. Convey that you know you made a mistake and are sorry for causing hurt. Your priority is to make amends.

Step 4: Keep Things Light And Casual

If she responds positively to your letter, don’t rush into deep relationship talk. Start with light, casual messages, almost like you would with a platonic friend. The goal is to slowly rebuild a sense of safety and comfort between you. Let her set the pace for increasing contact. Sometimes things take time to heal.

Step 5: Be Her Friend First

Before you can be her boyfriend again, focus on being a good friend. Listen to everything she has to say without judgment, make her laugh, offer help and support when she needs it. Show her through your consistent actions that you’re becoming a better man and want to make it up to her. But don’t have an agenda – she needs to feel this is a real friendship, not a ploy to win her back.

Step 6: Stay Positive Around Her

Whenever you interact with your ex, bring a warm, positive energy, even if things feel awkward or tense at first. Smile, ask about her life, share funny stories. Be someone she looks forward to being around again. Sulking, complaining or rehashing everything that has happened in the past will only remind her of your worst traits. Let go of the past and focus on the present.

Step 7: Reattract Her With Your Best Self

As you spend more time together platonically, look for opportunities to impress her all over again. Dress well, get in shape, pursue your passions. Become that charming, driven, stand-up guy she first fell for. If she notices and compliments your efforts, humbly thank her but don’t fish for more validation. Win her back and make her feel that old spark again.

Step 8: Kick Up The Flirty Banter

Once your ex seems completely at ease around you again, test the waters with some playful banter and flirting, almost like you’re meeting for the first time. Tease her lightly, pay genuine compliments, touch her arm when you make her laugh. See how she responds to this slow escalation. You want to rebuild that fun, sexy spark you once shared.

Step 9: Ask Her Out…For Coffee

If your ex is receptive to some mild flirting, casually invite her to grab coffee or lunch, framing it as two friends catching up. Choose a public setting where she’ll feel comfortable. Keep things light but let your real feelings shine through your eyes and smile. If she declines, don’t get angry or resentful. Continue being her friend and try again in a couple weeks. Don’t call her and ask to meet up too often though.

Step 10: Romance Her With Small Gestures

As you continue “friendly” outings, look for little ways to make them feel romantic, without going overboard. Bring her a single flower, share your earbuds to play her a song that reminds you of her, point out a beautiful sunset. These thoughtful touches show her you still cherish her and are putting in effort to woo her again.

Step 11: Open Up About Your Feelings

When the time feels right, have an honest conversation about your reflections and realizations since the breakup. Own your past mistakes without excuses or defensiveness. Paint a picture of the new, improved relationship you envision building together. But emphasize that you’ll follow her lead and accept her decision, even if she’s not ready to fully reconcile. Give her a chance to share her perspective too.

Step 12: Respect Her New Relationship

If you find out your ex is dating someone new or still in a relationship, your first instinct may be jealousy, anger or trying to interfere. Resist those unhealthy urges. Instead, gracefully respect her choice while continuing to be her caring, supportive friend from a distance. Your dignified behavior and self-improvement are your best chance of winning her back, even if she’s with someone else now.

Step 13: Be Patient And Keep Faith

Winning back an ex-girlfriend’s trust after you’ve hurt her is a delicate process that can’t be rushed. Think of it like boiling a frog – raise the heat too quickly and she’ll jump out of the water. All you can do is consistently show up as your best self, keep lines of communication open, and have faith that if it’s meant to be, she’ll find her way back to you. If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember these key steps you need to take.

Understanding the Reasons and Feelings

Before attempting to win your ex back, it’s essential to grasp the root causes of her hurt and disappointment. Was it a breach of trust, neglect, or hurtful words that shattered her faith in your relationship? By actively listening and demonstrating emotional responsiveness, you can begin to understand her perspective and show genuine empathy for her pain.

Remember, effective communication is key to healing relationship wounds. Approach conversations with an open heart, ready to listen without defensiveness or interruption. Validate her feelings and acknowledge the impact of your actions, even if unintentional. Sincerely apologize for the hurt you’ve caused and let her know you want to make things right.

Make Her Feel Better: A Key Step to Get Her Back

Once you’ve gained insight into your ex’s emotions, it’s time to take action to alleviate her pain. Demonstrate genuine remorse for the hurt you’ve caused, expressing sincere apologies and a willingness to make amends. Consistency is crucial – show her through your words and actions that you’re committed to understanding and addressing her needs.

Small gestures can make a significant impact in making her feel cared for and appreciated. Thoughtful surprises, heartfelt notes, and acts of kindness demonstrate your attentiveness and desire to bring joy back into her life. Let her know you sincerely want to get back together and make her happy.

Rebuilding the Connection: Improve Your Chances of Getting Your Ex

Winning back your ex-girlfriend requires more than just apologies – you must actively work to rebuild trust and reestablish a strong emotional connection. Be patient and consistent in your efforts, understanding that it may take time for her to fully open up again.

Show her through your actions that you’re trustworthy, reliable, and committed to positive change. Keep your promises, be transparent about your feelings and intentions, and prioritize open, honest communication. Engage in shared activities and meaningful conversations to reignite the spark and deepen your bond.

As you take steps to win her back, it’s crucial to give her time and space to process her emotions. Avoid pressuring her or demanding immediate forgiveness. Instead, focus on being a supportive, understanding presence in her life, ready to listen and adapt to her needs.

Remember, winning back your ex-girlfriend is a delicate process that requires patience, empathy, and unwavering commitment. By sincerely apologizing, making her feel cared for, rebuilding trust, and nurturing your connection, you can gradually heal the wounds and reignite the love you once shared.

If you truly want to win her heart back and learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back after hurting her, stay focused on your goal and be willing to put in the emotional work. With persistence, understanding, and genuine love, you can overcome the challenges and create a stronger, more fulfilling relationship together.

Winning Her Back: Apologize and Give Her Time

As you work on trying to win her back, focus on creating positive, light-hearted moments that remind your ex-girlfriend of the joy you once shared. Make her laugh with inside jokes, reminisce about cherished memories, and engage in activities that reignite the spark between you.

However, it’s crucial to avoid pressuring your ex or rushing the reconciliation process when you’re trying to get her back, even if you’re desperate and want her back more than anything. Respect her boundaries and give her time to heal and rediscover her feelings for you at her own pace. Patience and understanding are vital, as pushing too hard may only drive her further away.

If you’ve hurt a woman and hurt her feelings deeply, winning back a girl you hurt requires consistent effort and care. Implementing these tips on how to win your wife back after hurting her will help you win her trust and affection again. Put in the effort each day, stay committed to being a better man, and soon she may realize she wants you back too. With the right approach and unwavering love, you can get your ex-girlfriend back and build an even stronger bond.

Making Amends and Moving Forward

A sincere, heartfelt apology is a powerful tool in winning back your ex’s trust and affection. Take responsibility for your actions and express genuine remorse for the pain you’ve caused. Show her that you’ve taken the time to reflect on your mistakes and have learned valuable lessons. Let her know you understand the severity of the hurt you caused and that you’re sorry for really hurting her.

Demonstrating growth and change is essential to prove to her that you’ve become a better man and that you’re capable of being the partner she deserves. Be consistent in your efforts, following through on promises and commitments. Show her that you’re not only apologetic but also actively working on yourself.

Remember, winning your ex-girlfriend back is not guaranteed, and it’s important to accept the outcome, whatever it may be. If she chooses to give you another chance, cherish the opportunity and work tirelessly to build a stronger, more loving partnership. But if she doesn’t want to reconcile, respect her decision. Don’t force things or push her – that will only validate her feelings that it won’t work and that you haven’t really changed.


When you’re trying to win your ex back after you’ve really hurt her, it’s a challenging journey that requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to grow. By understanding her feelings, making amends, and demonstrating personal growth, you increase your chances of reigniting the love you once shared.

The process of reconciliation is not about grand gestures or quick fixes, but rather consistent effort to rebuild trust, respect, and emotional connection. Approach the journey with an open heart, commitment to self-improvement, and deep appreciation for the love you seek to reclaim.

Let’s say you follow the advice of a no-contact period and then reach out to show her you’re sorry, you’ve changed, and you’ll be a better man. She’ll be more likely to see you’re trying and may give you another chance. But again, if she’s hurt too deeply and doesn’t want to try again, you must humbly accept that. Prove you’ve grown by respecting her wishes.

So take heart, and know that with patience, understanding, and dedication to growth, you can get another chance to win your ex-girlfriend back and build a relationship that’s stronger, deeper and more resilient than ever before. Make amends, be the good man she deserves, and hopefully she’ll open her heart to you once again.

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About Alex

Alex Bert is an esteemed relationship coach with a specialization in marital counseling. With over 14 years of experience, Alex and his team have developed multi-lingual online programs that have positively impacted over 180,000 individuals globally. His approach, known for its effectiveness and often counterintuitive advice, is grounded in extensive real-world experience rather than theory. 

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How to Get Her Back? If You Have Already Tried Everything

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