What to Text Your Ex After No Contact?

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You have completed the no-contact rule; however, you are now considering initiating contact with your ex. After a period of self improvement, you are thinking about if you should and how you should do it.

Well, to answer the “if” question: If you know deep down that you are ready to talk to them, genuinely want to reconnect, or have a good reason, then yes, you should initiate contact with your ex.

For the “how,” there are so many ways to initiate the first contact, but it is always advised to start with a text message. This is because sending a text is like testing the waters. This way, you will be able to see how well they will be open to reconnecting with you.

It is important to ensure that your first text is perfect. It can lead to more conversations or put a lid on it for life.

This guide highlights the purpose your text serves, examples of what to say when crafting your text, the dos and don’ts, how to deal with their responses, and more. So, without further ado, let’s dive in.

Check how to win you girlfriend back with text?

First Text After No Contact (Examples)

Knowing what to say to your ex after the period of no contact is very important. It can set the foundation for you both to start talking again or seal the door so tightly that even the best bomb can blow it open.

Here are practical examples of text to send based on various objectives


This is one of the lightest texts you can send to your ex to get them to respond (unless they have decided to cut off ALL CONTACT with you completely). Reminiscing about the past relationship can be a light way to reinitiate contact. It is a great strategy if you are thinking of getting back together with your ex.

Pick a place, song, movie, restaurant, or a memory you, them, or you both are fond of. However, do send the test asking for the information for a friend or family member.

Here’s an example

“Hi [Name], I just want to ask. Do you remember that movie we watched about the girl and her friends dying? That made me cry all night. Well, I want to recommend it to a friend, but I can’t remember the name.”


This is one of the first steps to take towards either reconciliation, moving forward, getting closure, becoming friends, or letting go.

Sending this type of text, especially after the no contact period, shows how much you’ve grown and the importance of honest communication. It demonstrates how strong and self-aware you’ve become.

Here’s an example

“Hi [Name], during this time, I have done a lot of thinking and reflecting, and I came to the realization that I owe you an apology. I am deeply and honestly sorry for [specific action(s)]. I just wanted you to know that I am. I know you might find it difficult to believe or forgive me, but I hope you’ll do. Do take care of yourself.”

Expressing Feelings

After the no contact period, if you want to express how you feel without sounding desperate or needy, open and honest communication is key. Here’s one way to go about it:

“Hi, this might seem out of the blue, but I want to be honest with you. I have had some time to think, and I genuinely value what we had. I miss the plays, the movie banter, your weird song choices that makes you laugh while I have a pout on my face. The bottom line is, I miss our connection. Do you also?”

Want Them Back

If you want your ex back, just go ahead and send them a text saying so. This way, you are making your intentions known from the start.

“Hi, when we first met, you asked me out on a date. This time, I am the one asking because I want to date you again. So, how about Saturday night?”

This is one of the best ways to let them know you’re thinking of getting back together with them.

The Dos and Don’ts of Texting Your Ex

What to text your ex after no contact? Before you think of texting your ex, here are some important Dos and Don’ts to know.

  • Do well to start your first text with a simple and friendly tone. Even if you are sending a message to ask for your items, ensure you start with a simple and friendly message.

  • Do be positive.

  • Do ensure to be upfront. Be clear. Be concise.

  • Do well to have a clear idea of why you are texting your ex

  • Do give your ex some time to respond after you send the first text

  • Do well to be a bit funny in your text. This could make them smile and hold their attention.

Following good advice can help ensure a positive outcome when texting an ex.

Here are some very essential Don’ts to keep in mind when you want to text your ex

  • Don’t send or start off your text with the blame game. Do not text your ex about any negative feelings from the past or blame them for the breakup.

  • Don’t blow up your ex’s phone after sending the first text, or if he replies to you the first time you send him a text.

  • Don’t impulsively text your ex. This could come off to your ex as you wanting to stir up hurt unnecessarily or waste their time, which could backfire on you.

  • Don’t start with a “Hey, I miss you,” or “I want you back,” or “I know we’ve broken up, but let’s work it out again.”

  • Don’t use a desperate or over-apologetic tone. This can make you sound needy.

  • Don’t send a drunk or melancholic text

  • Don’t send one text immediately after the other

Doing these can strain the already fragile relationship you are trying to build, especially if you want your ex back.

Curious about your ex unblocking you on Instagram? Discover 10 potential motives behind their unexpected decision and understand what might be going on in their mind.

Assessing and Responding to Their Reply

After mustering the courage to reach out to your ex and send that carefully crafted message, now you have to wait for their response. However, there is one thing you need to know: When you initiate a conversation with your ex after the no contact period, you need to be prepared for their response.

There are four types of responses you might get: Positive, Negative, Neutral, or No Reply.

Receiving any of these replies can evoke a range of emotions, so carefully assessing them and knowing how to respond is important.

Positive Response

When you’ve texted your ex, and they respond with a, “Hi! Thanks a lot. Good to hear from you,” or something really positive, you can continue the conversation. Be upfront and honest about what you want so that the text can work in your favor. Also, add some fun elements to make the conversation appealing. This way, you are pulling them in.

Negative Response

When you see that your ex responds negatively, for instance, with a “Can you not text me again?” know that your ex might not be ready to talk. It’s important to respect their limits and avoid pushing for more communication.

Also, depending on the tone, you could give them space or, preferably, end the conversation and just wait or let go. In many cases, they tend to get back in touch with you themselves.

Neutral Response

If you get the “Alright,” “Okay,” “Thanks,” or “Cool” response, then it could mean two things. They are enthusiastic about seeing your text but are still cautious or nervous about talking to you again, or do not want to reconnect but are too polite to ignore your text. Whatever the case, they are still on the fence about wanting to talk to you.

So, do not immediately text them back, even if it might be extremely tempting to. Wait a few days before reaching out again.

Discover the reasons behind your ex’s silence in this insightful article: ‘Why Is My Ex Ignoring Me?

No Reply

When you text your ex and you don’t get any reply, that is the cue for you to stop. Don’t continue sending texts. If you feel the urge to contact them again, wait for some time before sending another message.  But once you get a no reply, just stop and move on. It is a sign that they’ve ended things.

Find clarity on the ‘Should I Block My Ex?‘ dilemma by reading this thought-provoking article.

If They Don’t Respond: Understanding Silence

There are a couple of reasons why your ex might not respond to your message. Some of these include:

Emotional Borders

This is one of the top five reasons your ex won’t respond to your text. They may be setting up or maintaining emotional boundaries in a bid to keep them safe from any thoughts of you. Many times, although a part of them wants to, the other part of them is hesitant to rehash previous wounds or engage in talks that might lead to more emotional turmoil.

Your Ex Found Someone New

Suppose your ex has moved on and is in a new relationship. In that case, they believe responding to you is unnecessary, and it’s best to avoid responding so they don’t jeopardize their new relationship.

Life Circumstances

Work, hectic schedules, or personal issues are some of the main reasons why your ex might not respond to your message. To your ex, these issues take precedence over replying to your first text.

Uncertain feelings

Your ex might not respond to your message due to uncertain feelings. They may be unsure how they feel or what they desire. As a result, they feel the best way to handle these would be not to respond.

How to handle the silence

Below are some of the best ways to handle the silence after you try to reconnect with your ex:

  • Be patient, maybe until your ex replies

  • Consider doing a follow-up

  • Reflect on your intention and practice self reflection

  • Avoid over-analysis

  • Plan for different outcomes

  • Show respect for their decision

The above listed are essential components in navigating and dealing with the silence after contacting your ex after a no contact.

Moving Beyond Texts: What To Say After No Contact?

After the first text, and you finally have a bit of your ex’s attention, you feel ready to move on to the next phase – to move beyond text and work towards building a healthier relationship. Now is the time to intensify the communication. However, it is essential you approach moving beyond texting wisely, thoughtfully, and well-planned out.

There are some steps you can take to go beyond texting with your ex:

  • Build a rapport through text.

  • Introduce the idea of phone calling again.

  • Schedule when you both can call.

  • Be open and casual on the call.

  • Propose a casual meet-up.

  • Ensure the conversation is meaningful.

By progressively increasing communication, you establish a natural and comfortable transition from sending texts to more personal contact. Who knows, this way, the chances of getting your ex boyfriend back might be high.

Uncover the mysteries of your ex’s curiosity with this article: ‘Why Is My Ex Checking Up on Me?

How To Text Ex After No Contact?

Crafting the perfect text to your ex after no contact goes beyond, “Hi, I just want to check up on you. How are you doing?” There are so many meanings behind each text. This is why it is important to ask yourself one VERY IMPORTANT question before you hit that send button.

“What is the purpose of this text I am sending to my ex?”

You need to know that the text you send to your ex serves various purposes. Some of these include

To Get Closure

One of the reasons (driving force) behind people sending a message to their ex after the no contact is to get closure. There is a high chance that they still have unresolved feelings and cannot move on. They are left with questions that they need answers to, and they feel they can only get them by talking to their ex. The starting point is to send a text indicating the need to see and talk.

Wanting to Rekindle

One of the biggest purposes of your text is the spark of rekindling it brings. When you realize that you want to get back together with your ex or you don’t want to lose them as a friend, your text can serve as a hook that draws them in.

It serves as a way to tell them you still want them in your life, whether you still want to be friends or get them back as a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Wanting to apologize

If you know you are the reason the relationship ended, or you hurt your ex and believe they are still angry, crafting the perfect message to apologize can say a lot to your ex. It shows them that you understand where you went wrong, and you are recognizing that.

At the end of it all, sending your ex an apology message after the no contact period can make them see you in a different light and maybe lead to you both fixing things. With this text, you have a good chance to win your ex back.

Reaching out to an ex after a period of no contact requires careful thought and the right approach. If you need guidance on crafting that perfect message, we’re here to help you with expert advice and tips.

Get Expert Messaging Tips Learn the Best Approach

When to Break the No Contact Rule

When it comes to breaking the no contact rule, timing is very important. While there is no fixed timeframe, you wouldn’t want to break it off too soon, so you won’t come off as needy and desperate or wait a long time, as it might be too late to get back together with your ex.

However, there are certain times when it is time for you to break the no contact rule.

  • When you feel you have grown a lot as a person since things ended.

  • If there are unresolved issues still lingering and you need closure.

  • When you are emotionally stable and have had ample time to heal and reflect.

  • When you feel your ex is open to reconnecting.

  • When you have to be part of an important life event, such as birthdays, anniversaries, significant achievements, etc.

  • When you live or work together with your ex

  • When you have a child together and share custody

  • When you accidentally run into your ex

These are the times when breaking the no contact rule is advised.

Crafting Your First Message: How to Text Your Ex After No Contact

The no-contact period is one of the winning elements to getting your ex back, so it’s only natural that the first text you send your ex holds a lot of winning and attention-grabbing values. Here are some key principles to crafting your first message


One of the best ways to craft your first message after a breakup is to ensure it is simple and clear to understand. Don’t use words that make it hard to know what you mean. Say what you need to say without going around in circles. Don’t make your ex more confused.


If you want your ex to respond to your text, it is important to make your first text after no contact brief. Avoid rambling or delving into much detail. Keep your message brief and focused on the most crucial issues. Also, ensure you do not take more than a few sentences to communicate your message effectively so that you can receive a positive response.


This is your first contact after a long time, so ensure your text’s tone is positive. You need to know that the text’s tone can be felt just by reading it. Even if you didn’t write anything mean, how you place your words can speak a lot. As a result, concentrate on positively communicating your emotions and objectives.

Explore the reasons behind being blocked by your ex in this illuminating article: ‘My Ex Blocked Me

Closure vs. Reconnection: Identifying Your Path Forward

Why did you decide to craft that great text to your ex? To get closure or to reconnect? Knowing the answer to these can determine the way forward and design how the conversation would go.

Ask yourself

  • As a guy, “Do I want my ex girlfriend back?” For the ladies, “Do I want my ex boyfriend back?”

  • “Is the reason I am messaging my ex to get closure and move on?”

If you are unsure about the answer to these questions (as you are juggling between yes, no, and I don’t know) and you believe that getting in touch with them first and interacting would give you the answer you need, then go for it.

In many cases, the first response from your ex is all you need to decide if you want to pursue closure or rekindle the relationship. However, it is better to talk with them for a while before you make that big decision. This is about you, so you need to make a decision that is right for you.

Conclusion: The Importance of Respecting Boundaries

Crafting the perfect text after no contact can be nerve-wracking. It is important to note that there are so many factors and dos and don’ts that go into crafting the best text for your ex. What you say, how you put it down, and the tone used can either repair or completely shatter your already fragile relationship.

Also, if you truly want to get your ex back and want to let them know you are serious about what you sent, respect boundaries. It is essential. Don’t barge in. Don’t rush. Don’t make them feel suffocated with your messages. Take it at the pace you are given.

Also, you have to be prepared for any outcome – the good, bad, and ugly. When you have to move on, move on, and when you see an opportunity to advance, grab it with both hands.

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About Alex

Alex Bert is an esteemed relationship coach with a specialization in marital counseling. With over 14 years of experience, Alex and his team have developed multi-lingual online programs that have positively impacted over 180,000 individuals globally. His approach, known for its effectiveness and often counterintuitive advice, is grounded in extensive real-world experience rather than theory. 

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