Why Won’t My Ex Talk to Me?

How to Get Her Back? If You Have Already Tried Everything

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After the breakup, you tried to contact your ex, but every time you tried, your ex won’t talk, and you began to wonder why. Just like you, your ex is also nursing a broken heart, and while you have your own way to handle it, the only way they can deal with it is by keeping silent.

Top 3 Reasons Ex Doesn’t Want to Talk

There are so many reasons behind the silence of your ex, some of which include

Emotional Hurt

This is always at the top of the list of reasons your ex might be acting a certain way towards you. When a person is emotionally hurt, they deal with it in various ways. Some blow up, while some cry. In this case, being silent is the best way your ex is dealing with the hurt.

Need for Space

Even if you and your ex broke up on good terms, they still need space to process the breakup and figure things out. As a result, they decide to stay silent. To them, now is not the right time for them to talk to you, so they decide to ignore your chat, calls, or meeting you in person.

Moving On

This may be hard for you to believe or swallow, especially in the case where you want your ex back. However, you need to understand that when they are silent, this could mean that they have moved on or are in the process of moving on. To them, staying silent is a way to emotionally detach from you and the relationship and create a clean break.

Is It Normal for Exes to Not Talk?

Why Hasn’t My Ex Tried to Contact Me? Well, it depends. Some people decide to stay in contact with their exes, while others decide to break off all forms of contact. The decisions lie on various factors, including,

  • How the relationship ended

  • The emotional state of both parties

  • The person who decided to cut off all contact.

  • If one or both of them have moved on

  • If they are afraid to speak to each other.

If there have been multiple attempts to contact your ex in the past few weeks, it might be best to give them more time and space.

The bottom line is that every relationship is different, and we are all wired differently in how we handle things. Exes deciding not to talk for weeks, months, or a year is a choice both made. If you are in a situation where your ex doesn’t talk to you and it is affecting you in a bad way, the best thing you can do is try to cope with the situation.

Forcing your ex to communicate with you will only make the situation worse. That’s going to make your ex want to distance themselves from you more.

Curious about why your ex unblocked you on Instagram? Explore 10 potential reasons behind their decision and uncover insights into this unexpected change of behavior.

How to React When Ex Refuses to Talk to Me

A day has passed, two days, a week, and now, it’s almost two weeks. Nothing. No returned calls and replied texts—just silence. You are staring at your phone screen, seeing the sign that your message was delivered and has been read, but it hasn’t been answered. Every time you call, it rings, but it’s not answered or returned.

It might be helpful to wait a few weeks before trying to reach out again, giving both you and your ex time to process the breakup.

At first, you feel a sense of rejection and abandonment, and then it takes a step further to you feeling a lot of self-doubt, escalating to you questioning your worth and desirability.

You constantly say to yourself, “Yes, we’ve broken up, but shouldn’t they pick up my call at least? Is the time that we spent together so meaningless? Am I so forgettable?”

All that consumes your mind is getting your ex to return your calls or respond to your messages. You are constantly thinking of various reasons your ex won’t talk to you. Suddenly, you begin to feel self-blame and regret about how things ended.

Now, you are not just dealing with one thing, which is the pain of the breakup; you are also dealing with the pain of the silence. Every day, it is like you’re drowning in a sea of despair, and you wonder how you can cope with the pain. Well, here are some coping mechanisms.

Talk to a friend or someone you trust

There is a reason why it is said that talking to someone helps, especially friends or family members you trust. It is incredibly helpful. By talking to someone you trust, you will be able to vent, let it all out, and express your feelings without the fear of being judged.

Talk to a Therapist or Counsellor

Talking to therapists, counselors, and relationship experts can be a huge help when dealing with silence from an ex and the emotional effect of a breakup. They are trained professionals who can offer guidance on various topics, including coping strategies, communication skills, and healing from heartbreak.

Journaling

This is another useful coping strategy to use if you want to deal with the emotional pain of silence. With journaling, you can write down everything you are feeling, raw and unfiltered. This way, you are processing your emotions healthily because by putting down all your emotions in the journal, you gain clarity and perspective on the situation, enabling you to move forward.

Assessing Your Situation: Is Reconnection Feasible?

Sometimes, you’ve wondered if reconnection is feasible or if it’s a healthy choice to make. While it is easy to say yes, the answer to this question lies in your hands. One question many ask after a breakup is, “What if my ex wants me back?” Then what?

Well, if your ex wants you back, you need to assess the situation – physically, mentally, emotionally, and critically. Think long and hard before taking that step. If you’re still not sure after you’ve done that, maybe it’s because you are looking at it the wrong way and asking yourself the wrong question.

Here are some self-assessment guides to assist you in evaluating if trying to reconnect is a healthy choice:

Emotional Preparation

Before thinking about reconnecting, ask yourself these questions and answer them with all honesty: “Am I mentally and emotionally prepared?” “Am I okay with the situation surrounding the breakup and silence?” “Am I healed from past relationship-related scars or traumas?”

Relationship Potential

Determining whether the relationship has a solid basis and room for growth is important. Ask yourself if the issues that caused the breakup can be resolved for a better partnership, if you still want to be in a romantic relationship with your ex, or if all you want is for you both to have a platonic relationship.

Reflection on the Past Relationship

Before you decide to reconnect, reflect on your history together. Ask yourself if you have fully discovered the causes of the prior breakup and addressed the issues. Do you feel that you and your ex have matured and can have a healthy relationship?

Motivations

What is the motive behind wanting to get his attention? Why do you want them back? Why do you want to get in contact with your ex, who isn’t willing to talk or wouldn’t talk to you?

Is it driven by genuine curiosity, because you miss them, a desire for closure, or unresolved feelings? Are you seeking validation or expecting the other person to fulfil a specific role in your life?

Answering these questions honestly is the key to knowing if reconnecting with your ex is feasible or healthy. It would be tough, and there are times you would doubt your answers, but trust your instincts, heart, and emotions.

Step-by-Step: Re-establish Communication After Silence

You want to initiate contact with your ex after silence but keep wondering if reconnection is possible. The answer to this is, yes, initiating contact with your ex after silence is possible, but how you go about it is what matters.

There are essential steps you need to follow to ensure you are on the right track to initiating contact after a period of no communication. These steps can help you get the positive response you need from your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

Step One: Reflect on your reasons for reconnecting

Do you want to rekindle the relationship or reunite as friends? What do you want from the relationship? The bottom line is you must be able to determine your goals and objectives before contact.

Step Two: Decide the best method of communication with your ex.

When you have a clear understanding of why you want to reconnect with your ex, the next thing to do is decide on the best method of communication. This is a crucial step that must not be taken lightly. Do not just pick a communication method, especially one that is more convenient for you. It is always advised, in cases like these, to pick a communication method that is best for your ex (i.e., one they use to communicate more often).

If your ex prefers texting, consider sending a thoughtful text message to initiate contact.

Does your ex prefer texting, email, phone calls, or meeting you in person? Using their mode of communication to initiate contact with them gives you a high chance of getting a response from them.

Discover effective strategies for reaching out to your ex after a period of no contact in this insightful article: ‘What to Text an Ex After No Contact

Step Three: Prepare what you want to say.

Next, decide on what to say and prepare for it, keeping in mind that your goal is to re-establish communication. Depending on the reasons behind initiating contact with your ex, prepare what you want to say. This gives you a clear picture of how to get started, what you want to, need to, and have to say, and more. It also helps you mentally, emotionally, and physically prepare for your ex’s response.

Step Four: Avoid bringing up past issues

This step, right here, is where many take the opportunity they’ve gotten to speak to their ex again to make mistakes. How? By bringing up past issues, especially during the first time seeing each other after the breakup.

It is important to note that this is a big turn-off. Your ex feels emotionally drained already, and now, by recounting the past, you are making it worse and ruining the already fragile connection you are trying to build.

As a result, instead of talking about past issues or that you want to get back together right from the get-go, talk about neutral and fun things. Focus your desires on reconnecting on friendly terms. It might be awkward at first, but keeping the conversation neutral at first can serve as a good starting point to ease your ex into the conversation.

Step Five: Reach out to your ex

Once you have all the steps above in place, it’s time to reach out to your ex. Note: Things may not work out as you want, as your ex might still be emotionally closed off from talking to you. But do not lose hope. If you really want to reconnect with your ex, go for it. With the right perspective and a positive approach, you can spark their interest and get them to respond to you. Who knows, you might be able to get your ex back.

On the other hand, if they decline, it’s important to respect their response and give them time and space. There’s really not much you can do. So, do not pursue the contact initiation for now.

The Role of the No Contact Period

The NC Rule, or no-contact rule, is one of the most recommended strategies for those dealing with a breakup. It is a time when you deliberately cut off all forms of contact with your ex. This means no texting, phone calls, emailing, social media following, or in-person contact.

To some, the NC Rule is a time of healing, reflection, and maybe clearing your mind off your ex so you can grow to become a better version of yourself. To some, the NC Rule is a period where your ex gets to miss you and possibly reconnect with you. Safe to say, it is a blend of both (however, the ratio at which you want one over the other depends on why you are using the no-contact rule).

In this case, using the NC Rule to distance yourself from your silent ex is essential. You get the time to process the grief of your ex not talking to you or you not talking to your ex and how you want to move forward.

The role of the NC Rule is to give you

Space for healing

With the no-contact rule, you are establishing a space for healing, reflecting, and emotional processing without the extra burden of remaining in contact with your ex. During the no-contact period, you focus on recovering from the hurt the silence is causing you.

Clarity and perspective

During the no-contact period, you gain clarity on the dynamics of the relationship, resulting in a greater understanding of the issues and the reason for the silence. This will help you reflect on the actions, behaviors, and habits that you’ve portrayed while trying to get your ex to stop the silence.

Reduction in Emotional Dependence

The no-contact rule helps you stop the emotional reliance cycle that typically follows a breakup. It encourages you to seek pleasure and fulfillment outside your previous relationship, supporting personal growth and self-reliance.

Potential for Reconnecting

While the no-contact rule’s objective is to promote emotional recovery, it can also pave the way for better reconnection in the future. If you want your ex back despite the silence, the no-contact period can help with that. When your ex notices you have stopped reaching out and taken a step back, they will be the ones to reach out to you in an attempt to reconnect.

Gain valuable insights into whether or not you should reach out to your ex with guidance from this article: ‘Should I Reach Out to My Ex?’

What to Do If You Feel Rejected by Your Ex

If your ex continues to ignore you after you have done almost everything you can get them to stop, it can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening. You are left confused and heartbroken. Everything in you is screaming to fix things.

However, it’s so important for you to understand that in this type of situation, there’s little to nothing you can do. This is because whatever you do at that moment will make you look like you’re a nuisance.

The best way to deal with this is to put an end to whatever you are doing and take a step back. Here are things to do if your ex continues to ignore you

1.       Respect their decision

Just accept it. There is nothing you can do if they don’t want the attention you are giving to them. As a result, just step back and respect their decision. 

2.      Give Them Time

By respecting their decision, you are giving them time to heal and come to terms with everything at their own pace, which might be the only option. Don’t rush them to reconnect; it can worsen the situation.

Unlock the reasons behind your ex’s curiosity in this compelling article: ‘Why Is My Ex Checking Up on Me?

3.      Try Other Means of Communication

If you have been trying to reach out via phone calls and your ex has been ignoring you, consider trying a different form of communication, like text messages, emails, and social media messages. Consider evaluating previous attempts at communication and adjusting your approach accordingly. These communication styles can be easier to ignore; it can take them weeks or even months to respond, but they allow you to express yourself comfortably.

Moving On: Acceptance and Personal Growth

If your ex doesn’t want to talk or does not stop ignoring you, then it’s time for you to focus on yourself. It’s time for you to stop where you are trying to make your ex talk or reconnect and move on.

If you were in a long distance relationship, the challenges and emotions involved can make moving on even more difficult.

Accepting and facing the reality that reconnecting with your ex may be unlikely or unhealthy can be painful and challenging, but it is what it is. The past is in the past. It is time to let it go. They are your ex for a reason, and when you are able to accept that, you have taken the first step towards healing and moving forward.

You don’t need to go into a new relationship right away. Take this as an opportunity to learn and grow from the experience while still holding onto your self-worth. It doesn’t matter how long you want to embark on the journey of acceptance and personal growth. It could be weeks or even months. What matters is you have moved on.

Furthermore, work on building self-love and self-care, which can include activities like journaling, meditation, exercise, or hobbies. It is also important to focus on the present moment and not dwell on the past. At this stage, taking care of yourself should be your top priority.

Delve into the decision of whether to block your ex with thoughtful advice from this article: ‘Should I Block My Ex?

Conclusion: Respecting Boundaries and Focusing on Self-Healing

Now that you understand the silence of your ex, why they don’t talk, and how you can handle or cope with the silence, you will be able to do a lot of things right, especially when you want to initiate contact and get them back.

However, it is important to re-emphasize the importance of respecting your ex’s emotions and boundaries when your ex doesn’t feel like talking or while you are waiting for your ex to talk to you. 

During this time, focus and prioritize your own emotional well-being. By doing this, you are setting yourself up for a healthier future, no matter what happens with your ex.

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About Alex

Alex Bert is an esteemed relationship coach with a specialization in marital counseling. With over 14 years of experience, Alex and his team have developed multi-lingual online programs that have positively impacted over 180,000 individuals globally. His approach, known for its effectiveness and often counterintuitive advice, is grounded in extensive real-world experience rather than theory. 

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