Hopeful Hearts: Understanding the Possibility of Your Ex Returning

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After every breakup, whether initiated or not, one or both persons would have surely asked this question, “Will my ex come back to me?” This question is one question that will always cross the minds of both persons at one point.

You see, even if you or your ex is not thinking of going back into the relationship, this question will still come up. Why? This is because the question “Will my ex come back to me?” is a question filled with emotional complexity, a blend of longing, uncertainty, and a desire for closure or reconciliation.

Will My Ex Come Back to Me?

To answer the question: Yes and No. Basically, it depends on them, regardless of whether you dumped them or they dumped you. You spent a lot of time together, making memories and more, and when the relationship ended, a gap in the heart was opened, and regardless of whether you are the dumpee or the dumper, they miss you. It is because they miss you and what they had with you that prompts them to want to come back and reconcile with you.

Will My Ex Ever Come Back?

According to a study, it was discovered that 30% of people get back together with their exes, and 15% of the 30% still stay together for a long time, while the remaining broke up again after reconciling. It was also found that the rate at which ex-boyfriends return to their ex-girlfriends is higher than an ex-girlfriend returning back to her boyfriend. Based on statistics, the chance of your ex-boyfriend returning to you is 33%, while for your ex-girlfriend, it’s 27%.

The answer to the question “Will my ex come back to me?” depends on how long you were together, why you broke up, and how long you have broken up.  Also, you need to ask yourself (many avoid this question) if you still want a relationship with your ex. It is one thing to ask the question of your ex coming back to you for a possible reconciliation. However, you also need to ask if you want them back.

To shed more light, this article will highlight the signs that show your ex might be considering coming back to you, their motivation and motives, the role of no-contact in bringing about your ex’s return, and many more.

Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

There are signs your ex is still considering getting back with you. These signs show themselves in different ways. Some might be subtle, while others might be very glaring to see. Sometimes, you just have to look for signs to know if your ex will come back eventually. 

Here are potential signs that indicate your ex is still interested in coming back to you.

Initiating contact

This is a sign they will come back to you. Think about it: What are the odds that your ex will contact you after the breakup? Sometimes, the chances are little to none; sometimes, they are high, especially if you implement the no-contact rule, they realize they made a mistake in letting you go, or miss what you both had. They may initiate contact through text, calls, social media interactions, or face-to-face meetings. 

If your ex is the first to reach out to you, this is a good sign that your ex wants you back. However, be hopeful but not too much because they may be reaching out for other reasons. 

Contact with your friends and family

If your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is still in contact with your friends and family, it might be a sign they want to come back. Let’s face it: after the breakup, there is no reason for them to still be in contact with your friends and family, as you both have nothing to do with each other. But if they are still in contact with your inner circle, this shows that they still want to be in your life.

Initiating meeting

If your ex tries to initiate a meeting with you, it could mean your ex wants to reconcile with you. They want to sit and discuss the chances of getting back together. They believe having a face-to-face meeting will be the best way to convey their feelings about getting back together.

Expressing emotions

When your ex starts reminiscing on past memories and expressing various emotions about them, this could be a sign your ex will eventually ask to come back. If they talk about the happy times and say things like, “I miss those times” or “I wish I could experience that again,” then there is a possibility you will get your ex back.

Regret and apologies

If your ex regrets their decision to ever break up with you, then that is a sign that your ex wants to come back. Showing remorse about letting something go is a sign that you kind of want it back, and in this case, it is a sign you might be getting back with your ex.

Also, if they apologize for breaking up with you, especially if it’s just a few weeks or months after the breakup, they might be doing so for you to take them back. 

Subtle hint of jealousy

Jealously is a big tell-tale sign that your ex wants to get back into the relationship. If your ex sees you hanging out with someone new and that person makes you smile or happy, even if it’s not a lot, they will surely feel jealous.

It might be your friends, colleagues, or someone they have a feeling is interested in you. Even if it’s platonic, they would feel jealous that you are close to someone other than them. 

Changes in behavior

Changes in behavior, such as showing more patience, understanding, and kindness, can be a powerful sign that your ex might want to get back together with you. It doesn’t matter if they initiated the breakup or not; they believe changing their behavior might be the way for them to charm their way back into your life. If you still have feelings for your ex, this strategy is sure to work.

Understanding Why Exes Return: Motivations and Mindsets

If you want to understand the motivations and mindsets of why exes get back together, the tips below will give you more insights. By looking at these tips, you will be able to distinguish between those seeking genuine connection and those driven by loneliness or ego:

Acknowledging mistakes

Some ex-partners might come back if they genuinely acknowledge and accept their mistakes. They must have taken a fresh look at the situation, recognized their faults, and genuinely wanted to make amends. As soon as they realize this, they reach out, hoping to get their ex would want to come back into their life.

Personal growth and changes

Ex-partners who have gone through personal growth and had positive changes in their lives might want to come back after a breakup. Since personal growth breeds maturity, they may genuinely want to rebuild a healthy and mature relationship with their ex.

Loneliness

When people leave a relationship and find themselves feeling lonely, they begin to crave the familiarity of their past relationship, especially if they still have feelings for the other person. In an attempt to end the loneliness they feel due to the absence of their ex, they try to rekindle it, even if it is not healthy or beneficial.

Validation

This also can be a huge motivation for some people to get back with their exes. They want to know if the feelings they have for each other after the breakup is enough to get them to come back together. They are looking for validation that the other person still has feelings for them.

External influence

For some people, the desire to conform to social norms or to appear successful in relationships can override their true feelings about their ex. Instead of making decisions based on emotional connection, they may base their decisions on public perception or ego-driven goals.

The Psychology Behind Breakups and Reconciliation

This statement should be quite common – fight and breakup; kiss and make up. It’s real. When people fight, they break up, and then they come back- kissing, making up, and reconciling. But then, one question nobody has asked is, “What is the psychology behind breakups and reconciliation?”

Let’s talk about breakup first: When you break up with your ex, the types of emotions you feel are countless. It’s like you are drowning in the sea of a myriad of emotions, the strongest of them all being grief. When people break up, they grieve the loss – the loss of the love they felt, the companionship, expectation, and routine. Regardless of who initiated it, that grief is felt.

How one deals with the psychological impact of the breakup is determined by the one who initiated or instigated the breakup.

In many cases, the dumper feels a sense of relief, less anxiety, and other positive outcomes. Although, it is not all roses and peaches for them. They also feel guilt, regret, and loneliness. Sometimes, they may feel bad/responsible for dumping their ex.

On the other hand, the dumpee feels more of an aftermath. They experience denial and shock, depression, a heightened sense of attachment anxiety, hopelessness, and rapid low self-esteem.

The bottom line here is emotionally and psychologically, the impact of a breakup ranges from pain and sorrow to disbelief and relief. It just depends on how each person experiences theirs.

Then, enter reconciliation. Immediately, or a few weeks or months after the breakup, one of the partners will begin working towards reconciliation. There are so many psychological reasons why people try to reconcile with their ex after a breakup.

  • They miss them. Their mind and heart have not been able to move on.
  • They want to go back to the routine they had with their ex because it is comfortable.
  • They don’t adapt well to life after the breakup
  • They feel lost without their ex
  • They think about the good times and want that back
  • They see their ex-partner about to go into a relationship with someone else and suddenly feel like they’re about to lose them completely.
  • They feel they won’t find anyone else better than their ex
  • They want to prove their worth

In situations like these, they decide to fight for reconciliation. They just have this urge to get back what they lost. In their mind, that is the most important thing.

Navigating Hot and Cold Signals from an Ex

Getting hot and cold signals from your ex can be confusing, frustrating, and emotionally challenging. It can be hard to understand what your ex is thinking because, one moment, they are hot, nice, and caring; the next, they are giving you the cold shoulder.

Sometimes, you get the feeling your ex might come back, and the next, you are left wondering if you misread the sign your ex still wants you back in their life. It’s like you are being tossed here and there to the point you don’t know how to keep up or navigate the mixed signals you are getting from your ex.

Here are a few guides for navigating this complex situation:

Understand the motive

There are so many factors that can make your ex give mixed signals. Some of these include internal struggles, unresolved feelings, jealousy, the struggle to get you back, or external factors. 

When you understand the reasons behind the mixed signals, you will be able to effectively manage your feelings and responses.

Keep your cool

Next, you need to be in charge of your emotions. Keep your cool. Regardless of your ex’s hot and cold behavior, don’t get worked up. Sometimes, that is what they want from you. So, instead of getting yourself all worked up as a result of their mixed-signal, keep your cool. 
Don’t let your ex know how much their mixed signal is affecting you. 

Establish clear boundaries

Boundaries are very important, whether the relationship has ended or not. One of the most important benefits of boundaries is that they help you determine what you want and don’t want – whether that be with friends, partners, co-workers, bosses, or family members. In this case, setting clear boundaries with your ex that give you hot and cold signals is essential. 

Ensure it is based on what you are comfortable with. This helps to limit communication and interactions to protect your emotional health.

Openly communicate what you feel

Don’t hide your feelings. Be clear. Let your ex know how you feel due to their hot and cold behavior. Ask them why they are doing that, as this will help you understand how your ex really feels. Maybe your ex is trying to pass a message but doesn’t know how to go about it. 

Communicating openly with them will help you better deal with the situation.

Seek support

Reach out to friends, family, or a support network when you’re dealing with mixed signals from an ex. This way, you might gain new perspectives and feel emotionally supported by talking about your thoughts and feelings. Having a support system can be essential for navigating difficult situations like this one.

The Role of No Contact in Influencing a Comeback

There is a reason why the no-contact rule is highly recommended during post-breakup. It is highly effective. The role it plays in influencing an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend to come back after leaving cannot be understated. 

What the no-contact rule does is it creates a distance between you and your ex. All form of contact is stopped, such as no calls, texts, social media interaction, or face-to-face meetings. When you suddenly have no contact with your ex, they begin to get curious, which leads to them missing you or initiating contact.

Some ways the no-contact rule influences a comeback include

Creation of emotional spaces

Implementing the no-contact rule can give both parties emotional space and time to process the breakup. This break allows intense emotions to subside and facilitates a clearer perspective on the relationship dynamics. This space allows your ex to miss you, which could lead to possible come back.

Allows personal growth

Implementing the no-contact period creates the space to focus on personal growth. During this time, the person who initiated the no-contact rule can focus on their goals, aspirations, and areas for self-improvement.

At the end of the day, that person emerges from the no-contact period strong, confident, emotionally sound, and more attractive. Yes, more attractive. All will see these new qualities, and your ex might even come to appreciate you more. 

Ignite curiosity

A natural sense of curiosity can arise since the no-contact rule breeds a lack of communication. Curiosity is a powerful force that can make your ex wonder about you, what you are up to, what you think, and how you feel.

This curiosity is what will prompt them to initiate contact, and the rest is the beginning of a new history.

Opens the door to a new beginning

Implementing a no-contact period creates a scenario where a new beginning becomes a possibility. The absence allows for a fresh start, free from the emotional aftermath of the breakup.

Encourages healthy conversation

When contact is reestablished after no contact, it’s accompanied by a new level of maturity and healthy communication. The time apart allowed you to reflect and gain clarity on what went wrong in the relationship, as well as what you want and need going forward. This can lead to a more productive and less emotionally charged conversation.

Rebound Relationships: Do They Make an Ex Miss You More?

It hasn’t even been a month since you and your ex broke up, and you found out that they are already in a new relationship. The first thing that will come to your mind is, “What? That fast?”

Yes. That fast, and there is a name for that kind of relationship. It is called a rebound relationship. This type of relationship is when a person who has just broken up with their partner is in a new relationship.

Let’s be honest and not deny it – You are guilty of this (as a matter of fact, everyone is guilty). It has become quite common for people to just jump into the first relationship that comes their way post-breakup, all because they want to forget their ex. 

Aside from forgetting their ex, other reasons include filling the lonely space in their hearts (no surprise here) and using the current person as a distraction from the pain they feel as a result of the breakup. Many times, they go into a rebound relationship to make their ex jealous. 

One thing that you must know is that your ex didn’t go into the relationship immediately because they wanted to (unless they were cheating on you, which led to the breakup, and they began dating the other person). Rebound relationships are not based on real feelings or emotions, compatibility, or connections. No matter how happy the other person makes them, they are still unhappy because they have not completely moved on from you.

In fact, they will miss you more. Every time they are with their new partner, they will think of you. It is not always fair to the other person, but it is what it is. What they see in that person is you, and the constant longing to either be with you, see or talk to you is strong. What a rebound relationship does is that it increases the chances of your ex coming back to you. It is no wonder rebound relationships don’t last long, as they end when the initial high wears off.

On the other hand, they might not miss you. When they see you are already in a new relationship, they may see that you’ve moved on. This gives them the closure they need to also move on. 

Preparing for Possible Reconciliation: Do’s and Don’ts

If you are hoping for a possible reconciliation to happen, you need to prepare yourself. There are some things you should and shouldn’t do if you are hoping your ex will eventually get back with you.  

Do’s

  • Do well to embrace the no-contact rule
  • Do well to reflect on the reasons behind the breakup
  • Do well to focus on self-improvement and personal growth
  • Do maintain a positive outlook on the possibility of reconciliation
  • Do well to forgive and let go of the past
  • Stay open minded

Dont’s

  • Don’t rush the process
  • Don’t be too obsessed over the past
  • Don’t hold on to grudges
  • Don’t play mind games
  • Don’t neglect self-care 
  • Don’t neglect advice from third parties (friends, family, relationship experts)
  • Don’t lose hope.

Doing these will help you adequately prepare for when your ex wants to reconcile or if you decide to initiate contact to reconcile with your ex.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Move On

If you are still stuck in endless thoughts about the past, or you are hoping for a chance your ex will return, you are hindering your healing process. Holding too tightly onto hope for reconciliation could slow down your healing process and your chances of moving on.

Note: There is nothing wrong with hoping your ex will eventually come back or that your ex will likely reconsider their decision to break up and get back together with you. However, you have to look at things logically.

If your ex will ever come back to you, you would know. The signs would be clear. And just as there are signs your ex may return back to you, so also are there signs your ex will never come back. When you see these signs, don’t turn a side eye to it or play the ignorance game. Just accept that it is finally over between you both, and the time has come for you to move on.

Some of these glaring signs include

Consistent lack of communication

If the communication between you and your ex suddenly stops or becomes a chore after you have reconnected, then it is a sign that you have to move on. Lack of consistent communication could mean that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, and this also means that they don’t want to reconcile. If you keep thinking your ex will eventually come back, you need to understand that with the consistent lack of communication, your ex will never come back. 

When you notice this, do yourself a favor: Let go and move on.

Unreciprocated Efforts

You find yourself putting in all the effort to maintain the relationship or initiate contact. At the same time, your ex shows little to no reciprocal effort. This means it might be a sign to move on and focus on new opportunities.

Unhappy

If you are no longer feeling happy or fulfilled, it could be a sign that it is time to let go and move on to something that brings you more joy and contentment.

Continued negative emotional impart

The emotions you experience when you think about the relationship can tell you a lot about whether it’s time to move on. If you find yourself feeling mostly negative emotions like anger, sadness, or pain, it is time to let go.

Loss of trust

If your ex wants to come back to you, but you figure out that you still can’t trust them despite saying you forgive them, then there is no need to go back into the relationship. Move on. Going back into the relationship with little to no trust can cause more heartache.

Differences in goals and values

If you know you and your ex want different goals, don’t bother going back into the relationship. Let go and move on. Staying might end up in you both having more problems than you had before you broke up.

Conclusion: Embracing Whatever the Future Holds

Getting an ex back after a breakup depends on various factors, and while you can hope those factors are in your favor, you still have to be realistic about the fact you may not get back together with your ex. Nobody knows what the future holds, but whatever it holds in your relationship life, embrace it. 

No matter what you go through, you have to ensure you come out strong, find peace in the present, and trust that everything happens for a reason. Take it step by step and day by day. While doing that, focus on yourself. Love yourself more. Focus on your growth, and find joy in the little things. Right now, you need to find out what makes you happy. 

Once that is done, if you want your ex back, there is a chance you will get them back. If you decide to move on, you will be fully prepared to go into the new relationship emotionally strong and happy.

Explore:

  1. “Discover the signs your ex is testing you and learn how to navigate through it.”
  2. “Unveil the reasons why your ex is keeping tabs on you.”
  3. “Decode the mixed signals your ex is giving and find clarity in your situation.”
  4. “Identify the signs that your ex just wants to sleep with you and how to handle it.”
  5. “Understand what it means when your ex is dating someone totally opposite of you.”
  6. “Recognize the signs that indicate your ex is in a rebound relationship.”
  7. “Explore the signs that suggest your ex will never come back and how to move forward.”
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About Alex

Alex Bert is an esteemed relationship coach with a specialization in marital counseling. With over 14 years of experience, Alex and his team have developed multi-lingual online programs that have positively impacted over 180,000 individuals globally. His approach, known for its effectiveness and often counterintuitive advice, is grounded in extensive real-world experience rather than theory. 

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